my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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