I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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