I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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