he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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