I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
