My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
