The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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