I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
my liver is dry heaving
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your penis caused this!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize