there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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