He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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