I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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