You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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