I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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