dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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