rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
