he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
