he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
