we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
