Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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