I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
