Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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