I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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