Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
