Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
