Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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