I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
