Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fuck appropriateness.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
