We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
