Can Purell be used as lube?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
