...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will be naked everywhere
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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