Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
