I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
