Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
