if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
