I bet he comes in French.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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