so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
