go do what you do best...puke behind churches
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
