i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
