One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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