Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
