My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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