Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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