What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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