dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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