i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
