I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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