she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Small penises have feelings too.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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