In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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