tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
