Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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