Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
