Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
