So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
