Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
