Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
