No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
