Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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