She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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