How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
