Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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