he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
