I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
