id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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