I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
