all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize