you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
