i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
