OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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