It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You can't special order awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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