I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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