Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm just crazy horny about you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
