dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
