I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
