24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
