his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
