Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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