The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
